Please, let me fuck your mom
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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