My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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