I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
