I cannot find my penis.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
