You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
