I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
