If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
