I wish I could punch you in the face.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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