she smelled like a LAN party
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
