Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Green mimosas i think yes
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
