4 words: hood of his car
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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