D3 body, D1 cock
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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