At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
