apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
