My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
