My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Threesome in a minivan. New low
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
