A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
