I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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