she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
