you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
