Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
