i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
