i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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