Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
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