in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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