I feel great
I just peed on a car
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
