i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
