drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
