He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
last night I used snow as a chaser
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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