the new term for farting is butt boxing.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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