when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
