You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
