I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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