just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
