it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Drunk walkin through police station. America
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
