i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Quick, to the slutcave!
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
