I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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