we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
