my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
