I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
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