youre lurking in front of me
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
