..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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