its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
