all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
