he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
