I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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