He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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