Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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