this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
All I want is dick and wine.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
