I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Randomize
