So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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