just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
