That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
