She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
