What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
