The maid of honor just puked.
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
