Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
