I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I will be naked everywhere
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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