Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
