Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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