my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
