Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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