I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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