she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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