I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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