I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
