HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
