i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
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