What did we do last night that was yellow?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
