My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
thus making me awesome and them whores
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
