Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
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