if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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