I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
