8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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