i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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