I must be too annoying 4 u.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
